You cannot fail at something you were not attempting

Perhaps the best way to become a respectable, high functioning person is to obligate yourself to some ELSE that you don't feel like doing. How many toilets get cleaned during exam week?

Thats this thing about people. We are totally influenced by the expectations of other people. As if there is a communal consciousness. Or a communal jewish grandmother. What would it be like to have no influence from other humans whatsoever? What would it be liketo be raised by Wolves? Then you would be totally influenced by the expectations of other wolves.

Its amazing the similarities between dog packs and human communities. This explains the symbiosis between dogs and humans since early human history. Its especially evident when white male college students get drunk in groups. I'd like to see a study comparing the motions of drunk white male college students to wolf packs. Maybe from above, tracking the motions of each member and making a pretty picture out of it. What would a wolf hunt look like? Compared to the hunt for drunk white human Females?

People expect you to succeed at the things that you try. Why? Many people confuse "doing" something with "trying to succeed" at something. How many people sign up for College expressly for the purpose of keeping their toilet clean? I think its a good idea...In socialist countries. How many drunk white college students are actually trying to get an education? uhhh, who pays their tuition? Some things I will never understand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ikH9ZRcF2Q

WHAT? people read my blog?

After two years of having forgotten about my blog alltogether, I learned about the "stats" function on Blogger and decided to have a look at how many times Kristi and Pete have looked at my blog. Kristi and Pete, you ARE the only two people I would ever expect to look at it.

Expecting to see maybe ten, twenty hits total, I was astounded to find HUNDREDS of hits over the past couple years. WHAT? people read my blog? How did people even FIND my blog? Maybe some other popular blog is called "DanEEvilness.blogspot.com". wierd.

Luckily, the number of hits has tapered to nearly zero over the past few months, which means I can continue posting whatever I want without worrying that it might offend someone. POOP. tittes. nigger. fuckface. Cracker. There, good thing nobody reads my blog anymore.

In case this blog DOES eventually lead to fame, glory and fortune, I'll go ahead and make a few more posts in the coming months on the topics of: Pigieons in the stairwell, contemporary art is just a bunch of people fooling themselves, enjoying bad moods, and something about the end of human society.

Girls

Dear Girls,
Anything I say right now can and will be used against me. Heres the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I'm gonna make generalizations about being a guy, and assume that every guy is exactly the same. Maybe this list will help someone, someday.


1.every guy is different. no two guys are exactly the same.
2.guy's brains function differently before and after sex.
3.guys know within the first 30 seconds whether or not they want to sleep with you.
4.guys only know whether or not they want a real relationship directly after sex.
5.guys will never be fully comfortable with the idea of never again sleeping with other women.
6.if you want your guy to stop gawking at other girls, all you have to do is pretend you are interested in another guy.
7.guy's brains function differently before and after sex (did i say that already?)
8.if a guy doesn't call you the next day, its because either A. he's completely disinterested and you should just go ahead and give up alltogether B. he's already madly in love with you and is pretending that everything's cool.
9.motorcycles are a potentially viable replacement for women.
10.breast implants would be way cooler if they were carbon fiber.
11.guy's laundry does not need to be separated into darks and lights (maybe girl's laundry does, I have no idea).
12.if you are secretly also attracted to girls and you think your guy MIGHT be intersted in sleeping with you and another girl at the same time, go for it. Nothing bad could possibly happen.
13.guys have feelings to, we just tend to ignore all but the 3 most important ones.
14.guys must periodically sit around fire.
15.if your guy comes home all dirty smelly and sweaty, wrap yourself around him and pretend like you are uncontrollably turned on by his manly aura. He will then be a very happy man.
16.most tricks for training dogs work on guys too.

thats enough, I'm not giving away all my secrets.
Good luck, girls!
Dan

I love science

Some people love basketball. Others love puppies. Lots of people love J.R.R. Tolkien.

I love science.

Worms eat dirt. Grass grows inside out. There are seven quintillion, five hundred quadrillion grains of sand on the earth (approximately) and at least than many stars in the universe. There are crystals the size of cars in caves under Mexico. They found a baby mammoth in Russia that was so well preserved, they can tell what it ate last. Every person's fingerprints are different. Our nose can tell the difference between right-hand molecules and left-hand molecules that are otherwise exactly the same. There is air trapped in arctic ice from every year for the past two hundred years. There are monkeys who carry the AIDS virus but don't get sick from it. Romanesco broccoli is shaped like math. This shit is cool.

(puppies are shaped like math too... but much much cuter math)

So heres a recent dream of mine. It has to do with clothes. Everybody wears pants made for coal miners. Lots of people use backpacks made for ice climbing. Even more people wear shoes made for running marathons. Almost nobody actually does any of these things.

I want to make clothes, packs, equipment made for scientists. Science requires venturing into extreme situations. For example, the cave with the crystals in Mexico is hotter than humans can survive. Drilling ice cores from arctic glaciers requires venturing out to an arctic glacier. Studying wild monkeys requires living at the top of a tree in the jungle. All of these activities have special needs, require special equipment, and could ultimately impact the ... fashion industry.

So maybe this is just a designer's pitch to get a group of scientists to let him onboard a ship headed to the arctic ocean. Or to go Mammoth digging in Russia. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

"sonst explodiert es"

So check this out,
I have a coal oven in my bedroom (we burn wood briquettes- it smells better). These coal ovens work like this: you start the fire and, with good airflow, let the fuel burn down to a clean burning red hot ember. Then you close the doors and flue to block the airflow, and the red hot ember transfers all of its energy, over the course of about 6 hours, into the brick/ tile oven. The oven (basically just a big brick block with a chimney snaking through it) stays hot and heats the room for about 12 hours.

There is a rumor that these things can "explode" if you cut off the airflow too early, and I assumed it was because of the expansion, contraction of the brick and thought the "explosion" would be more like a big crack down the side, ruining the oven. Then I researched.

IF you block the airflow of a fire, as you may guess, it smokes a whole lot. That smoke is un-burned matter, ie still contains plenty of energy. If you close off the airflow too early, these ovens will fill with smoke. Hours and hours of black, putrid smoke coming off the wood or coal briquettes. Plus, its really hot. SO, you have a big brick box filled with a superheated, unburned fuel/air mixture. BOOM! When these things explode, it doesnt just ruin the oven, it usually takes out the whole building.
COOL!!!

People who get up early piss me off

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1682290

ALAS! here it is, proof that my day is longer than other people's! (the link, not the worm) I've been saying for a long time that I need 9 hours of sleep and 18 hours awake every day. Otherwise, i cant wake up and I cant fall asleep. Its SO FRUSTRATING when people say I should wake up and fall asleep at a certain time when my body is blatantly telling me otherwise.

I have never in my life been able to keep a "steady" sleep cycle for longer than about 3 days. If left alone, my sleep cycle will push back so quickly that I have to "reset" by the end of the week (ie skip a night all together) just to be awake during business hours. So based on personal experience through many frustrations and failures, my estimate for my own circadian rhythm = 9hrs sleep + 18hrs awake= 27 hours. In this article, based on genetics, your sleep cycle can vary from 24hrs in .8 hour increments with a minimum of 20hrs and maximum of 28hrs. So my adjusted estimate for my own circadian rhythm- 27.2 hours.

What now, bitches? Now that science has legitimized my sleep habits, nothing can stop me!!!

The Independent States of America

Whats happening in the US right now is nearly identical to the downfall of the Weimar republic leading to the rise of Fascist Germany. Even the tiny details like a "staged" terrorist attack on an iconic building and public hype about terrorism. Its no news, and its really obvious.

If someone prefers not to believe something that's right in front of their nose, Its probably no use trying to convince them.

I honestly don't believe that Goerge Bush and his posse will actually stage a hostile takeover of the country. The conditions in Weimar Germany were much worse, Hitler was a much better and more convincing public figure, and the USA is many times the size of Germany with a lot more complex power structure which will take a lot longer to break apart. But I do believe that the structure of our country is not stable, and within 100 or 200 years there will probably be a civil or world war based on the degradation of the USA. Perhaps the acronym U.S.A will change to I.S.A (Independent States of America) or more optimistically A.S.A (Associated States of America). At least then we won't be confused with Usa, Mexico.