Sonntag, 12. Juli 2009


Dear Girls,
Anything I say right now can and will be used against me. Heres the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I'm gonna make generalizations about being a guy, and assume that every guy is exactly the same. Maybe this list will help someone, someday.

1.every guy is different. no two guys are exactly the same.
2.guy's brains function differently before and after sex.
3.guys know within the first 30 seconds whether or not they want to sleep with you.
4.guys only know whether or not they want a real relationship directly after sex.
5.guys will never be fully comfortable with the idea of never again sleeping with other women.
6.if you want your guy to stop gawking at other girls, all you have to do is pretend you are interested in another guy.
7.guy's brains function differently before and after sex (did i say that already?)
8.if a guy doesn't call you the next day, its because either A. he's completely disinterested and you should just go ahead and give up alltogether B. he's already madly in love with you and is pretending that everything's cool. are a potentially viable replacement for women.
10.breast implants would be way cooler if they were carbon fiber.
11.guy's laundry does not need to be separated into darks and lights (maybe girl's laundry does, I have no idea).
12.if you are secretly also attracted to girls and you think your guy MIGHT be intersted in sleeping with you and another girl at the same time, go for it. Nothing bad could possibly happen.
13.guys have feelings to, we just tend to ignore all but the 3 most important ones.
14.guys must periodically sit around fire.
15.if your guy comes home all dirty smelly and sweaty, wrap yourself around him and pretend like you are uncontrollably turned on by his manly aura. He will then be a very happy man.
16.most tricks for training dogs work on guys too.

thats enough, I'm not giving away all my secrets.
Good luck, girls!

Mittwoch, 22. April 2009

I love science

Some people love basketball. Others love puppies. Lots of people love J.R.R. Tolkien.

I love science.

Worms eat dirt. Grass grows inside out. There are seven quintillion, five hundred quadrillion grains of sand on the earth (approximately) and at least than many stars in the universe. There are crystals the size of cars in caves under Mexico. They found a baby mammoth in Russia that was so well preserved, they can tell what it ate last. Every person's fingerprints are different. Our nose can tell the difference between right-hand molecules and left-hand molecules that are otherwise exactly the same. There is air trapped in arctic ice from every year for the past two hundred years. There are monkeys who carry the AIDS virus but don't get sick from it. Romanesco broccoli is shaped like math. This shit is cool.

(puppies are shaped like math too... but much much cuter math)

So heres a recent dream of mine. It has to do with clothes. Everybody wears pants made for coal miners. Lots of people use backpacks made for ice climbing. Even more people wear shoes made for running marathons. Almost nobody actually does any of these things.

I want to make clothes, packs, equipment made for scientists. Science requires venturing into extreme situations. For example, the cave with the crystals in Mexico is hotter than humans can survive. Drilling ice cores from arctic glaciers requires venturing out to an arctic glacier. Studying wild monkeys requires living at the top of a tree in the jungle. All of these activities have special needs, require special equipment, and could ultimately impact the ... fashion industry.

So maybe this is just a designer's pitch to get a group of scientists to let him onboard a ship headed to the arctic ocean. Or to go Mammoth digging in Russia. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.